Social Skills
Needless to say, being a nerd and all, I lack somewhat in social skills. As I have been going through high school, this has become blatantly obvious and somewhat perplexing. As I have become more aware of how great people are and how amazing each and every aspect of a person is, I realize that my inadequacy to strike conversation and hold it has greatly reduced my chances of getting to know people.
Although I am mostly incapable of holding conversations with someone I only partially know, I have been diving into the word of subtle hints, usually after an event has happened. For example, recently, a friend of a friend, who seems like a really cool guy that I would love to become friends with, tried talking to me after a basketball game in which I played. Not basketball, but the drums. We were waiting for our separate rides, he tried introducing me to a friend of his "friend group."
After making a few jokes, telling some humorous stories, and some awkward silence, his ride drove up and he and his friend he described as "having a mouth larger than his brain" departed. As I was waiting for my ride, I reviewed the experience. I almost laughed in pity at how miserable I was. I had realized that he had been trying to be a friend to me and get to know me better. We had seen each other for a while, but we really didn't have any real conversations to this point. He tried to find common interests and make me part of his social group, but I deflected his questions and I assume I appeared disinterested.
Since then, we haven't talked much. We both go to the same parties, each in the same places, seeing how we have the same friends, but we don't talk to each other. I believe it was because I was a terrible conversationalist. I couldn't produce enough conversation to appear interested, and what little I did say seemed forced. I must have seemed disinterested with him, because, even though he made a valiant effort at becoming friends, it hasn't progressed any further. He really seems like a cool guy and would be a great person to know, but my lack of conversation has caused him to look the other way, so to speak.
I'm not saying I have no social skills. I have very many friends and can hold great conversations with people. The only problem I have is with people I either don't know or only-kinda-sorta know.
Since then, I have developed some more skills that I can use in such situations. Among these is I am have learned to keep smiling, be interested, and most important, act interested. Sometimes, I have a hard time making my voice change frequency, and although I may be able to create a face that cares, the inflection of the voice is what really counts.
Also, I have developed a mindset that I think is very rare in any high school. One day, as I was standing in a circle with a small group of friends, we suddenly ran out of conversation topics. As we began to frantically look for anything to say to break the silence, we slowly began to feel more and more awkward and out of place. Slowly, some of us shifted from foot to foot uneasily until we suddenly left the circle and others just plain walked away. I realized that most people think that we need to have conversations going on, that we can't have any breaks, or the entire situation becomes, for lack of a better term, awkward. We don't seem to appreciate silent companionship.
In 8th grade, my English class read The Wind in the Willows. There is one part in the book where Mole and Rat are in the boat, floating downstream, where the author says something along the lines of 'each enjoying the silent company of the other.' My absolutely wonderful and ever sarcastic English teacher said, "Wouldn't that be something great!" And it is. Being comfortable enough to sit in complete silence with another person is something you won't find many people doing today.
I have been telling myself for a while that silence is okay. As a pause in the conversation comes, and as the rest of the group squirm in discomfort at the crushing weight of silence, I feel rather freed by it. I simply retract to my thoughts. While the group fails at making small talk and began floating off to leech sociality off of another group, I stand there, thinking that it is quite silly to feel uncomfortable just because you aren't talking.
Maybe that's why I'm 'socially awkward.' While most cannot stand silence, I find it a luxury hard to find in this busy world. As others rack their brains to try to fill the silence with meaningless conversation, I stand blithely, enjoying the emptiness of it. As others see silence as a thing to be avoided with all people at all costs, I see it as something that only the best of friends can enjoy together.
Although I am mostly incapable of holding conversations with someone I only partially know, I have been diving into the word of subtle hints, usually after an event has happened. For example, recently, a friend of a friend, who seems like a really cool guy that I would love to become friends with, tried talking to me after a basketball game in which I played. Not basketball, but the drums. We were waiting for our separate rides, he tried introducing me to a friend of his "friend group."
After making a few jokes, telling some humorous stories, and some awkward silence, his ride drove up and he and his friend he described as "having a mouth larger than his brain" departed. As I was waiting for my ride, I reviewed the experience. I almost laughed in pity at how miserable I was. I had realized that he had been trying to be a friend to me and get to know me better. We had seen each other for a while, but we really didn't have any real conversations to this point. He tried to find common interests and make me part of his social group, but I deflected his questions and I assume I appeared disinterested.
Since then, we haven't talked much. We both go to the same parties, each in the same places, seeing how we have the same friends, but we don't talk to each other. I believe it was because I was a terrible conversationalist. I couldn't produce enough conversation to appear interested, and what little I did say seemed forced. I must have seemed disinterested with him, because, even though he made a valiant effort at becoming friends, it hasn't progressed any further. He really seems like a cool guy and would be a great person to know, but my lack of conversation has caused him to look the other way, so to speak.
I'm not saying I have no social skills. I have very many friends and can hold great conversations with people. The only problem I have is with people I either don't know or only-kinda-sorta know.
Since then, I have developed some more skills that I can use in such situations. Among these is I am have learned to keep smiling, be interested, and most important, act interested. Sometimes, I have a hard time making my voice change frequency, and although I may be able to create a face that cares, the inflection of the voice is what really counts.
Also, I have developed a mindset that I think is very rare in any high school. One day, as I was standing in a circle with a small group of friends, we suddenly ran out of conversation topics. As we began to frantically look for anything to say to break the silence, we slowly began to feel more and more awkward and out of place. Slowly, some of us shifted from foot to foot uneasily until we suddenly left the circle and others just plain walked away. I realized that most people think that we need to have conversations going on, that we can't have any breaks, or the entire situation becomes, for lack of a better term, awkward. We don't seem to appreciate silent companionship.
In 8th grade, my English class read The Wind in the Willows. There is one part in the book where Mole and Rat are in the boat, floating downstream, where the author says something along the lines of 'each enjoying the silent company of the other.' My absolutely wonderful and ever sarcastic English teacher said, "Wouldn't that be something great!" And it is. Being comfortable enough to sit in complete silence with another person is something you won't find many people doing today.
I have been telling myself for a while that silence is okay. As a pause in the conversation comes, and as the rest of the group squirm in discomfort at the crushing weight of silence, I feel rather freed by it. I simply retract to my thoughts. While the group fails at making small talk and began floating off to leech sociality off of another group, I stand there, thinking that it is quite silly to feel uncomfortable just because you aren't talking.
Maybe that's why I'm 'socially awkward.' While most cannot stand silence, I find it a luxury hard to find in this busy world. As others rack their brains to try to fill the silence with meaningless conversation, I stand blithely, enjoying the emptiness of it. As others see silence as a thing to be avoided with all people at all costs, I see it as something that only the best of friends can enjoy together.
3/7/13