Missing Em
We were never really close, but I guess I fell in love with Em. I'm not sure how it works, if you fall in love because you think they're beautiful in every way or if because you're in love you think everything about them is beautiful, but it happened. It was sudden, and it took me by surprise. Who would have thought that I would have fallen in love with someone like Em. Not that I don't think it's possible, I just never thought that something like this would happen to me,
It's not like I can tell her. We could never be together, it just wouldn't work. We're not exactly people who associate with each other, let alone get together. I've barely been able to continue being Em's friend. To think about us being together...
I don't know what to do with these feelings. They seem pointless, but they're so powerful and important that I can't get rid of them. I never thought emotions this strong existed. I don't know how to tell Em; I'm not even sure if I could. Em is so stunning, my breath is taken away when I see her. My heart beats faster and my mouth gets dry. I'm not sure how to tell her. I don't know what to say.
I don't even know if I could say anything.
It's not like I can tell her. We could never be together, it just wouldn't work. We're not exactly people who associate with each other, let alone get together. I've barely been able to continue being Em's friend. To think about us being together...
I don't know what to do with these feelings. They seem pointless, but they're so powerful and important that I can't get rid of them. I never thought emotions this strong existed. I don't know how to tell Em; I'm not even sure if I could. Em is so stunning, my breath is taken away when I see her. My heart beats faster and my mouth gets dry. I'm not sure how to tell her. I don't know what to say.
I don't even know if I could say anything.
It's been weeks since I've seen Em, and I've wondered every single day whether she would come home or not. Em promised me that I would hear all about the big city on the coast. I can't wait to see Em's face again, to see her smile.
I spent all of last night just thinking about Em, and how happy I'll be to see her again. I was also wrapped up in thoughts about whether Em likes me back. I don't know why I thought about that because it doesn't matter either way. Whether Em does or doesn't, that will not change the fact that we can't be together.
And that makes it hurt.
I spent all of last night just thinking about Em, and how happy I'll be to see her again. I was also wrapped up in thoughts about whether Em likes me back. I don't know why I thought about that because it doesn't matter either way. Whether Em does or doesn't, that will not change the fact that we can't be together.
And that makes it hurt.
Em's been looking at me lately like she knows. It's a half-smile, as if Em knows something I don't, and also a little bit of sadness hidden in her eyes. I can't tell how she feels about me or my feelings towards her, if Em does know. I'm too afraid to ask.
We haven't been able to see each other much, and when we do it's around friends. It's been so long since we've been alone with each other, or had a meaningful conversation. I miss Em's voice. I miss the nights where we sat on a hilltop and just talked about anything, or the times we would take each other out to dinner to celebrate the most random holidays or events. Em's been busy preparing for her future. Em has so much potential, and she probably won't waste it with someone like me. I'd only hold her back. I'll only stop Em from achieving the greatness she's destined for.
We haven't been able to see each other much, and when we do it's around friends. It's been so long since we've been alone with each other, or had a meaningful conversation. I miss Em's voice. I miss the nights where we sat on a hilltop and just talked about anything, or the times we would take each other out to dinner to celebrate the most random holidays or events. Em's been busy preparing for her future. Em has so much potential, and she probably won't waste it with someone like me. I'd only hold her back. I'll only stop Em from achieving the greatness she's destined for.
I almost told Em. I almost confessed my love right there.
We were finally alone at the close of a hectic week, and Em was so happy to slow down for a moment and be with her favorite person off the beaten path. Em looked so perfect laying on the grass with the breeze toying with her hair. I wanted that moment to last forever, and I almost told her.
Em noticed me staring, and laughed it off in a playful way. She knows. Em has to know. There's no way she doesn't.
What's going to happen? What am I supposed to do with these feelings? I don't want our friendship to end because of this, but I can't stop myself from feeling this way. I would do anything to maintain our friendship.
We were finally alone at the close of a hectic week, and Em was so happy to slow down for a moment and be with her favorite person off the beaten path. Em looked so perfect laying on the grass with the breeze toying with her hair. I wanted that moment to last forever, and I almost told her.
Em noticed me staring, and laughed it off in a playful way. She knows. Em has to know. There's no way she doesn't.
What's going to happen? What am I supposed to do with these feelings? I don't want our friendship to end because of this, but I can't stop myself from feeling this way. I would do anything to maintain our friendship.
Em left today for good. It was time for Em to move on and explore the world, and now she's gone.
We met in a forest the night before she left. Em told me she was leaving and probably wouldn't be able to maintain contact with me. Em was almost in tears, and she hugged me and thanked me. I don't know for what, Em ran off back to her house after that. I was stunned, in shock. Em was leaving, and I would never see her again.
I still love Em, more so than the day I realized it. Em's perfect, but now I'll never see her again. I broke into pieces that night. I wished the day would never come, because then Em would be gone forever.
But morning came like an uninvited guest and stole my love from me. Em didn't even say goodbye. She just left, silently. Disappeared like she was never here in the first place.
I am alone, completely. The only person who truly mattered to me has left for good, and I am alone.
We met in a forest the night before she left. Em told me she was leaving and probably wouldn't be able to maintain contact with me. Em was almost in tears, and she hugged me and thanked me. I don't know for what, Em ran off back to her house after that. I was stunned, in shock. Em was leaving, and I would never see her again.
I still love Em, more so than the day I realized it. Em's perfect, but now I'll never see her again. I broke into pieces that night. I wished the day would never come, because then Em would be gone forever.
But morning came like an uninvited guest and stole my love from me. Em didn't even say goodbye. She just left, silently. Disappeared like she was never here in the first place.
I am alone, completely. The only person who truly mattered to me has left for good, and I am alone.
Em visited me, that night. Em hadn't actually left as she missed her flight and had to wait for one that departed at midnight. Em apologized for having left without saying goodbye to the most important person in the world.
I didn't check, but I think my eyes were still red. I think Em noticed it, because she hugged me almost immediately. I hugged Em back, because I knew it was the last night I would be able to. We stayed wrapped in each other's arms for what seemed like an eternity.
And then Em started to go, said goodbye one last time, squeezed my hand, and then kissed my check. And then she was gone. This time for good. This time forever.
I didn't check, but I think my eyes were still red. I think Em noticed it, because she hugged me almost immediately. I hugged Em back, because I knew it was the last night I would be able to. We stayed wrapped in each other's arms for what seemed like an eternity.
And then Em started to go, said goodbye one last time, squeezed my hand, and then kissed my check. And then she was gone. This time for good. This time forever.
It's been months. Long, painful months without Em. I wish I could write a letter or call Em or something, but I can't. I have no means of contacting Em.
I only wish -- my only regret is that I didn't tell Em that I love her. I wish I did, the night she left. I wish I had the courage to tell Em before she left. Maybe if I did, this wouldn't be so hard. Maybe it would have been less painful. Maybe things would have been different.
But now she's gone, so what does it matter? Why can't I move on? Why am I stuck? Why can't I forget Em's voice or her smile?
Why can't I move on!
I only wish -- my only regret is that I didn't tell Em that I love her. I wish I did, the night she left. I wish I had the courage to tell Em before she left. Maybe if I did, this wouldn't be so hard. Maybe it would have been less painful. Maybe things would have been different.
But now she's gone, so what does it matter? Why can't I move on? Why am I stuck? Why can't I forget Em's voice or her smile?
Why can't I move on!
It's been years. Long years, but the pain gradually subsided. I guess you could say I never truly got over Em. You can't just forget the people you truly love. Your heart won't let you. You can't forget those who changed you.
I haven't seen Em at all, but I've heard of what she's done. Truly wonderful things, and I hear Em's found someone who deserves her. I never tried to reach back out to her in fear of the pain it might bring. I almost wish I had.
I found someone else, someone who loves me like I love her. It's wonderful. She's more beautiful than I can describe, and I hope to marry her one day. But Em still owns a piece of my heart. Or rather, Em took with her a piece of my heart. There's a hole there, but it's being filled. It's filled with each smile, each embrace, each expression of love.
Maybe someday it'll be filled completely. Maybe there'll always be a bit of me that doesn't heal, and that's okay. It's just the scars that life gives us. It's what makes us stronger and better. It's what makes us beautiful.
I haven't seen Em at all, but I've heard of what she's done. Truly wonderful things, and I hear Em's found someone who deserves her. I never tried to reach back out to her in fear of the pain it might bring. I almost wish I had.
I found someone else, someone who loves me like I love her. It's wonderful. She's more beautiful than I can describe, and I hope to marry her one day. But Em still owns a piece of my heart. Or rather, Em took with her a piece of my heart. There's a hole there, but it's being filled. It's filled with each smile, each embrace, each expression of love.
Maybe someday it'll be filled completely. Maybe there'll always be a bit of me that doesn't heal, and that's okay. It's just the scars that life gives us. It's what makes us stronger and better. It's what makes us beautiful.